Turning hate into good

In many ways we all do have something to hate here and there about life, our job, people and things but the actuality of understanding brings us to try and live with some of these hates to make us a better person even in the midst of not feeling happy about our character at the time.

There's nothing bad in having a little hate for something but learning to manage that hate is another thing for us all.

How many times have we said to ourselves “I hate this or that” or even “ I hate him/her”, but where does hate get us, does it make us feel any better by declaring we hate something or somebody? Hate is a negative feeling and negative feelings only bring about bad. When we think of the word hate we start to have thoughts of coldness towards others or something, we automatically isolate ourselves from that person or situation and nothing good can come from feelings such as these. There are many types of hate such as racial, sexual, ethnicity or just plain disliking a situation or disliking a situation due to a phobia, here are some ways you can think about turning the hatred into a more positive and good approach.

Racial hate
People are people, we are all flesh and blood whatever the colour of our skin or our background in life, we all have the same color blood flowing through our veins; we have the same shape hearts and brains, we all have fingers, toes and the ability to communicate. Why then do so many people profess to hate someone else just because they have a different color skin or come from a different country? It is worthwhile remembering that underneath we are all basically the same and want the same out of life for ourselves and our families, there are good and bad people of all colors and nationalities in life.

So instead of just hating someone because the look differently to you look deeper inside than the color of the skin and see the true person.

Sexual hate
What difference does a person’s sexual preference make to the person that they are, many people hate others solely based on their sexual preference, but why? For example you could meet someone quite by chance enjoy being in their company, laugh, talk have a great time until you found out that they were gay or lesbian.

All of a sudden your feelings alter towards this person yet nothing has substantially changed from a few minutes ago, the person hasn’t changed, they are still the same person you were having fun with whom you liked being with, yet this simple point changes everything. Maybe its just a matter of ethics, how you were brought up, what you were brought up to believe in, but why cant you change your thoughts and feelings, why cant you just allow yourself to continue having fun and enjoying being with that person?

If they were a good person before there admittance of their sexual preference then they still are now.

Hate due to a phobia
People can truly hate certain situations or objects in life due to an excessive phobia, this could be a hate of heights, spiders, snakes, the dentist or being enclosed in elevators. This type of hate is brought about by fear, a deep fear of something or situation that for those affected have hardly any or no control over, however since fear is all about feelings and thoughts, fear and hate of this type can be controlled with the mind with a little help and know how. An analyst can help to turn this type of hate and fear into a more positive outlook and help the person overcome the phobia and turn a fearful situation into a good one.

FIGHT THE FEAR

Do the things you fear

Take a ride with your fear

Aim higher than the sun to become

That you act as dead is gone

Cowards die before death tolls

Get knowledge awareness your tools

Self perseverance breath with fear

Stand doing things without care

Make your fear your tools

Walk in the present be cool

Evils that never happens why worry

Only once is life in a hurry

Plan on that you truly fear

Bring not to friendly care

Close eyes for dead troubles unseen

Face that undone before and glean

Salau O John©2010

CHANGING THE WORLD

It’s all part of a process

A step a day for the future

In discipline all must to recess

And action through practice for cure

Its not just words but ways

To learn and live by some rules

To become a man changing days

Lives are interwoven through tools

Every book read, every way known

To stand and become is a process

No one without discipline is shown

And only few had the world restless

Changing the world is mans control

The process is mission, vision holding

But who understands even their soul?

The paths are laid to be reigning

Salau O John©2010

Wishing you all the best in all,

Salau O John

aka

T1

How to Entertain People You Hate: Tips on How to Have a Good Time with Bad Company


Hate the Evil, Hold Fast to the Good: Structuring Romans 12.1-15.1 (Library of New Testament Studies)

Take This Job and Leave It: How to Get Out of a Job You Hate and into a Job You Love

Developing healthy communication skills

Today my friend I'll like to help you out in the most important area of life and living aright.

Just to put you on a straight cause in communicating well in the areas that matters.

We all are made to speak and showcase to the world what and who we are through good communication and well developed manners.

So here I believe you'll be glad to read something of interest to all and sundry.

Developing good communication skills is essential in all walks of life and different situations. Relationships rely on good communication to survive and strengthen, how you live among your neighbors requires good communication, in your work, doing well in school or college and dealing with difficult people are just one of the ways excellent communication skills can help in life.

Most of us have to deal with difficult people at some stage or another in our life, so it is essential that we know how to deal with them effectively, to get the best outcome. If we are faced with difficulties as a common part of our day-to-day life it will gradually have an effect on your life, you will become nervous, anxious and stressed. The easiest solution is to eliminate the difficulty from your life; however this is impossible if the problem lies with a co-worker or a loved one. If this is the case then you have to develop strategies to help you develop healthier communication between you and them. Here are some tips to help you.

1. Where possible avoid getting into any personal discussion such as religion or politics, basically avoid any subject that can easily cause conflict. If you sense the other person is trying to goad you into a discussion that will probably lead to an argument then change the subject or leave the room.

2. Trying to change the difficult person you are dealing with will only result in them becoming defensive; it will eventually turn into a power struggle and make the person even more difficult to deal with.

3. Try changing how you respond or see the other person, if the person is treating you unacceptably then draw boundaries that they cannot cross.

4.  Try to see the other person’s point of view and remember that you are not always right.

5.  Focus on the positive aspects of the other person; this can be especially helpful if the person is a family member.

6.  Accept the person for who they are, good or bad

7.  Learn to recognize when you need to put a distance between you and the other person and act on it when the time comes.

8. When you feel negative interactions try not to blame either one of you for them.

9. If worst comes to the worst then just being polite could be the best you can hope for with certain people, sometimes people just don’t get on, no matter what.

10. Try to keep your sense of humor when around someone who is being difficult.

11. Be sure to have positive relationships around you to offset the negative ones.

These are just a few of the ways which you can use in your daily life when faced with difficult people, while they wont change the person, they can make life and the person involved a lot easier to deal with. Along with developing healthier communication skills you should also practice ways of de-stressing, particularly if you are confronted by facing and dealing with difficult people who you cannot avoid on a daily basis.

QUESTION OR QUESTION

Life and men like solders

To command respect or demand it

The rich is respected even covered

How many understand these roles

The stage had been set here

Servants are commanded to obey

The leader demand respect and fear

But the servants fear only roles

Another leader came to command

But in love everyone obeyed

A friend to servants in regard

Love blossom to enthusiastic work

The question probes hearts alive

Which to follow of two leaders?

Demanding or commanding respect hive

Men knows that to hold brief

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau John (O.O.J)

aka

T1

Messages: The Communication Skills Book 

Business Communication: Building Critical Skills 

Stay Happy: Let go of Grudges

In a way we all do go about with grudges troubling us and holding us back in heart for a better thing awaiting factual movement to success. Sometimes the things we fight and hold grudges about are not really important and finding a solution to the cause is of paramount importance in our daily living, if we want peace of mind.

By holding onto grudges, we are holding onto the past and this holds us back and stops us from growing and going onward with our lives. Grudges and not allowing ourselves to let go of the past is negative and negativity holds us back and stops us from achieving what we are capable of achieving out of life and encourages resentment, unhappiness and fear instead of being happy in life and finding peace within ourselves. Forgiveness is the key to happiness, true forgiveness is when you can release all your negative feelings towards another and let them go completely, you have to let the grudge go not only through words of acceptance but also feel it in your heart and soul.

Why is forgiving so difficult to do?
It is our negative ego that causes us to hold a grudge and tells us not to let it go, like all things that block success and happiness in our life, negativity again plays a huge part, only this time it affects our ego. By letting negativity affect our lives this way we are opening up the door and welcoming bitterness and deep resentment and these manifest deep within us and show themselves in our health. Holding onto a grudge causes ulcers, stress and general overall poor health so it is essential that we learn to let go of our resentment and move on with life by letting go of our grudges. As with every other problem relating to negativity in our lives it is all about how we think, forgiveness is all about letting go of harmful train of thought patterns and developing new ones.

Developing the ability to let go
Developing the ability to let go takes time, if you allow yourself to look at your feelings honestly and calmly then you will realize that negative feelings evaporate and you begin to feel peace of mind through letting go of deep resentment. The key to truly forgiving is first being able to release your hurt and anger that person has caused you, without letting go of these feelings; true forgiveness is next to impossible. If you try to forgive without releasing these feelings then the hurt and anger you feel will only continue to build and will manifest as resentment further down the road and resentment will eventually rear its ugly head, have no doubt about that.

A great way of releasing your feelings is to look directly at them and in great detail, admitting what it is that has hurt you and why it hurt you and realizing why you have to let it go, look at your feelings in a different light and gradually allow yourself to forgive and let go. Forgiveness has to come from deep within you, there is no outside force which keeps a grudge building up, the feelings of forgiveness can only be generated from within yourself, only you can take responsibility and forgive and let go and move on in a more peaceful and contented life.

THIS COMMON LIFE

Daily we go on with different situations

Trying to breathe different facts out

Though seeing so many things, no consolation

Higher or lower we are compelled

Situations differs to all in bliss

Whether sorrowful or joyful we go

The trailing and training of all these

We are humans in our connotations

We go on again breaking rules

Running the race life offers all

Friends or enemies may toil

But we all do get there

O for knowledge to brood all!

The heart lingers over living choices

We are making the calls to ball

Our common life is calling onward

Salau O John©2010

I TEACH TODAY

Somehow we’ve met here today

Tomorrow may not be foretold

But in our today don’t delay

As I tray all I’ve learned

Maybe we were meant to meet

I know not what tomorrow holds

Maybe just for your season unfit

We are friends today but tomorrow

All that I’ve gleaned in facts

To you I sail before time

Tomorrow may be our friendship pact

We see nothing but our today

I’ve only come here to teach

To tray that I’ve only seen

As the highest knowledge none can reach

My gleaned, known, suffered, I give

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau John

aka

T1

10 tips for effective communication

Hey friend,

Just remembering the issues we mostly have in our normal everyday discussions with one another, how we most times just can't wait to get our facts straightened out, jumping into conclusions and creating issues out little verbal words that can be settled with a little patience.


I believe we all need time and understanding in this issue of communication and having an effective, happy brain-word storming right.

The ability to be able to communicate well is essential in all walks of life if we are to succeed and accomplish the goals we set out for ourselves. The key to any successful relationship is having the ability to communicate and this applies equally to personal relationships as well as building interpersonal relationships within the workplace. Here are ten tips for developing good communication skills that you can use to build upon.

1. Always let the person who is talking finish what they are saying before you speak, if you speak before they have had their say then you could miss a valuable point, if you break into their conversation it also shows
that you think what you have to say matters more than what they do and is extremely bad manners.

2. Listen intently to what the other person is saying to you, if all you are doing is thinking of how you are going to reply to the person then your full attention isn’t focused on what they are saying and you could miss
something important.

3. Always stay focused on the present and never bring up past issues, however related it may seem. This only cloud the present issues and can make the conversation difficult and even more confusing.

4. Really listen to what the other is saying to you, it is so easy to drift away with thoughts of your own especially if you don’t agree with what the person is saying to you, try not to get defensive and don’t interrupt
them before they have made their point.

5. Instead of trying to win an argument or conflict try to reason and find a solution that is agreeable to both parties, this is a much more effective way to communicate than trying to battle it out just for the sake of
winning, this way no one is the loser.

6. Take a break if you cannot come to a reasonable agreement in a conversation when at odds, taking a break will allow you to cool down and gather your thoughts before communicating again.

7. Try to see the others point of view and don’t just stick with what you have in mind, talk over the ins and outs and explain simply and fully why you don’t think their idea is a good one while making suggestions of your own, but don’t be too quick to dismiss the others idea until you have the full picture.

8. Even if you don’t like what other person is saying try to be respectful of their opinion and do listen to what they have to say even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.

9. Don’t blow things out of proportion while conversing, if possible avoid starting sentences with “you always” or “you never”, always think about what you are saying and make sure that what you are saying is true, blowing things out of proportion, blaming and bringing up the past only creates more negativity.

10. Don’t always put all the blame on others, sometimes we handle conflicts by blaming things entirely on others and criticizing; try to analyze the situation objectively to find a solution.

HIS HE LISTENING

So many times we’ve all prayed

Waiting for an answer in halls

Like Jesus in Gethsemane no answer

We see life and many things ball

We are all same in this journey

But time holds behind the scene

And without patience we frolic

Scared of all that’s seen

Quietness parades our sights

And we hoped in answers boldness

Even the world frustrates our reckoning

We are men of great wilderness

He is listening for no answer

The command stands that He gave

But all men wait for another

Only obeying that known is safe

Salau O John©2010

QUESTION OR QUESTION

Life and men like solders

To command respect or demand it

The rich is respected even covered

How many understand these roles

The stage had been set here

Servants are commanded to obey

The leader demand respect and fear

But the servants fear only roles

Another leader came to command

But in love everyone obeyed

A friend to servants in regard

Love blossom to enthusiastic work

The question probes hearts alive

Which to follow of two leaders?

Demanding or commanding respect hive

Men knows that to hold brief

Salau O John©2010

Enjoy your day,

Salau John

aka

T1

Developing Relationships for Happiness

It's a wonderful day I believe out there my friend,

Just thought of helping you out in a way on that relationship of yours, thinking we all need some understanding to make it last in our own way.

Enjoy the days post and feel free to post your comment.

Learning to develop your relationship skills can have a huge affect on your life and happiness in life, we all have relationships whether they are marriage, living together, sons, daughters, friends and family and having a good relationship with them makes a big difference.

The biggest downfall in relationships is poor communication, communicating poorly in a relationship leads to problems such as misunderstandings, disagreements, and anger and eventually putting your relationship at a distance. Improving your communication in relationships can help you to develop a deeper, lasting, more meaningful relationship and so a much happier life. There are many tips and techniques which are quick and easy to learn to get more out of your relationships and develop them into more meaningful ones, here are just a few.

- When dealing with conflicts in relationships never bring up the past, try to stick to the issue at hand and working towards a solution, bringing up past issues will only confuse the situation more and is very unlikely to go towards resolving the problem.

- Try to see any conflict from the other person’s point of view, if you are both only focusing on your own point of view there will very likely be no give and take and ultimately no solution to the problem.

- Always listen to what the person is saying, while many of us think we do very few actually do listen whole-heartedly, most of the time we drift off to think about other things or think about what the person is going to say next.

Don’t immediately get on the defensive when you are criticized, while this is hard to do, as no one like to hear criticism it is important to understand the others thoughts.

- Instead of being pig headed and always trying to win the argument, try looking for ways that you can come to some sort of compromise together, working together is more productive than working against each other.

- If tempers become frayed while discussing a difference of opinion, take a break; going at it all out will only lead to one or the other saying something which they will regret when cooled down.

- Don’t always put the blame on the other person, realize that you are not perfect and not always right all the time.

- If you feel your relationship is going downhill fast then don’t be afraid to get some help via counseling.

- Make time for your relationships; take long walks that give you the opportunity to talk instead of sitting down in front of the TV.

- Make a surprise and unexpected call to your loved one, family members or friends if for nothing else but just to say “Hi, I was just thinking about you”

- Make them feel special every now and again, give them a token of your appreciation to let them know you care or to say thank you.

- In loving relationships make sure the other knows how you feel, when talking hold hands or show some other sign of affection to them.

TO YOU

I have given my love to you

And nothing else holds me

I have sailed my words, my due

And none can hold me back

All I have I’ve tray you

Though my lights are obscured

All I’ll be I’ve shown you

Though for now God’s our line

You have given your heart to me

And nothing else held you back

You have shown more love to me

And proved that God is true

All you have you’ve given out

Though many times I pretend truly

All you’ve won was spiritually bout

Though truly Gods love made it sure

Our love was cloven from heaven

For through Gods love we’re out

And the end our love grows fruits, leaven

Salau O John©2010

LET’S GO BACK

The foundation was rightly laid

But in building, cements, not enough

The beginning was correctly paved

But in the middle we wobbled

Now prayers are calling order

And time is pursuing unseen faces

While the future waits on plans alive

And hard-work takes tolls in places

The foundation is intact, let’s renovate

Many more things miss9ng can be added

But only with the builders to collaborate

Bringing back the missing links of beginning

It should have been to the end

But many things stole time away

And uncompleted brings many bends

Let’s go back to the beginning again

Salau O John©2010

YOUR LOVE

It was your love keeping me

I kept on moving and glowing

It was your love setting me free

I kept on sowing and showing

What hails me without your love?

For so many times I fall short

Yet you stood in all my resolve

Helping me to move in the forth

What am I without your love?

A moving bullet without a target

You were my all, my days revolve

And in all I’ve found no regret

Where would I have been without you?

For like a child I fail to grow

But through the mist you were true

And all in all I can glow

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau John (O.O.J)

aka

T1

Let's Talk About Anger (Part 2) 7 Ways of Controlling Anger

Another time another day out here to you my friend.


Hoping you enjoy the last post on anger, knowing fully well that sometimes in anger we all do go turning little matters into great burdens.

Today, just a look at ways to help in confronting anger and make a better living through it.

Please feel free to make your comment and kindly enjoy the post.

Everyone gets angry at sometime in his or her life over something that happens. However, anger is a negative emotion that leads to feelings of sadness, guilt, frustration, unhappiness and helplessness. Anger is an emotion which we must recognize and be able to let go in order to be happy and successful in life, finding a resolution for the anger is essential in being able to let it go and move on. Knowing what you are actually angry with helps, do you feel angry at another’s actions or are you angry at your own reaction?

Finding out what actually upsets you is an important factor in actually narrowing down what it is that is bothering you. The more you practice controlling your anger the easier it becomes to let it go and move on and by learning to control your anger you are effectively learning to take control over your life and happiness. Here are 7 top tips for gaining control over your anger.

1. When you feel anger beginning to build up inside of you, let your whole body droop and relax to the best of your ability while beginning to breathe from the diaphragm, breathing in this way helps to calm both the body and mind which leads to letting go of the anger before it takes a hold.

2. Ask yourself if being angry and working yourself up is going to make any difference to the situation, for example if someone cuts in front of you, is it really going to change anything if you curse and blow your horn. Is it worth stressing yourself?

3. Visualize a stress free zone in your mind, this should be a place where you feel totally relaxed and calm and a place which only you knows about where you can quickly go too when you feel anger beginning to build up inside. It can be a totally imaginary place or one that you have visited in life where you feel totally relaxed and at ease.

4. When you feel anger beginning to build up due to someone else’s actions think of yourself doing exactly the same thing as they did, would you be angry with yourself if you were the one doing it?

5. Realize that it’s you and you alone that is allowing the anger to build up inside of you, while it may have been caused by someone else, you chose to let it bother you and to get angry.

6. Counting to 10 really can help to diffuse anger, by concentrating on counting you are forgetting what happened and are consciously letting anger go.

7. Repeat an affirmation or mantra to yourself whenever you feel anger beginning to build up inside, for example tell yourself to “take it easy”, “I feel calm and relaxed”, “anger isn’t going to get me anywhere” or “let it go”. Affirmations can help to diffuse your anger and get you back on the right track to thinking in a more positive and calming way.

ALLOW NOT TEMPTATION

It is beautiful it looks wonderful

What I have is not enough

It looks better than one at hand

Have you understood devil’s strategies?

To tempt to destroy future goods

Love dies for selfishness in chronologies

But to God many must only tray

Temptation will and must arise

But only discipline before helps all

Though in falling rising must twice

Everyone the process of perfection follows

One step and two many have failed

Allow not that loved to lead thought

But confer the word and sail

For in time you’re a savior

Salau O John©2010

LOVE OR TONGUED

The word goes on a voyage

I love you God bless you

But the needs stand without courage

And in un-happiness life goes on

Love or words which do part?

The world is selfish, not all

I’ll help you not with the heart

Men will and will be men

The words the action portrayed

The game of living and dying

How many understand what sailed?

We portray words where’s the action?

One step daily backward in words

While many are dying for the trust

We call leaders’ mistakes our sword

But who can but look the mirror?

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau O John

aka

T1