Can you have low self-esteem and high self-confidence, or vice versa? Hmmm. Well, I have known people who, when in a social situation flatly refuse to open their mouths and yet, in a business environment are the most self-assured people you could meet. Generally speaking, though, self-esteem and self-confidence tend to go hand-in-hand.
The problem with low self-esteem is that it can be very debilitating. It can stop you from even trying something new … for fear of failure. And if you are afraid to get started, how can you become good at it?
Consider these self-esteem issues:
* No appreciation of what you can do.
* No recognition or respect for your own abilities, potentials and value.
* Placing no importance on your strengths and not trusting in them.
* No acceptance of your limitations.
* No acceptance of these limitations or understanding that some limitations can be overcome.
* Being worried and concerned with what you imagine others think of you.
* Having no real sense of who you are.
Perhaps I should point out here that EVERYONE has self-esteem issues at some point in their life! However, if you have personal power, you will also have more than your fair share of self-esteem and self-confidence.
So what is it that determines whether or not we have high self-esteem? Our childhoods. Self-esteem begins with the responses that we get from our parents, siblings, teachers and peers when we're growing up.
Those responses are tied into our sex: boys are praised for their achievements, and so they grow up with a sense of self based on how well they master tasks; girls are praised for pleasing others, and so they grow up with a sense of self based on how well they establish and maintain relationships.
As you can see, it is relatively easy for a child to grow up with either a very high, or very low, sense of self. The child then becomes an adult who carries a belief system which may be entirely unfair.
The responses to which children are subjected as children are largely responsible for irrational beliefs - the largest contributors of low self-esteem. They are:
* I must be loved, or at least liked, and approved by every significant person I meet.
* If I am to be worthwhile, I must be completely competent, make no mistakes, and achieve in every possible way.
* Some people are bad and wicked and they should be blamed and punished for this.
* It is dreadful, nearly the end of the world, when things don't go how I'd like them to.
* Unhappiness, including mine, is caused by factors outside my control, so I can do little about it.
* If something might be unpleasant or frightening, I should worry about it a great deal.
* It's easier to put off something unpleasant or difficult than it is to face up to it.
* I need to depend on someone stronger than myself.
* My problems were caused by events in my past, and that's why I have problems now.
* I should be very upset by other people's problems and difficulties.
Is self-esteem really important? Of course!
High self-esteem allows you to cope with whatever comes along. It gives you the skills to face whatever happens in your life.
High self-esteem gives you the courage to try new things and a willingness to "have a go".
High self-esteem allows you to make good judgements and decisions – and not worry about what other people might think or say.
If you are reading this because you don't have any self-esteem, then let me assure you it is possible to develop it! That's personal experience speaking, by the way. I grew up with less than zero self-esteem thanks to my parents, became a teenager with zero self-esteem thanks to being good at sport and arts (so the self-confidence developed) BUT as an adult, I resolved to change. Truly, that's all you need … the resolve to change.
If you are resolved to change, then check out my next article because I will be giving you some guidelines.
If you are a parent who would like to boost the self-esteem of your children (or even somebody else's), then some tips will appear in a week or two …. so please come back.
Just remember this: someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
WHAT YOU ARE
Hated by the world no lie
But here lies who you are
Although loved for what you are not
Try to tray not in another person’s sir
Where lies your footprint
No greatness in idle inhibition
And your power lies not in another’s track
For inhibition stands a limitation
Your own steps only must ply
For the world waits your impression
And that which mars stands only if untried
For your impression lies your promotion
What you are is what you are
Though the world you may hate
But all these the world do fear
And you are what you are only in your impression
Salau O John©
YOU’VE GOT IT
Everybody’s got potentials
Check out which is yours
When you know your ability
Then you’ll have agility
When you find your responsibility
Then you’ll feel responsible
This is not poetic justice
But the truth from true critic
Never say it’s over
When it’s only the beginning
You have a goal to achieve
Before your time
Never try the short cuts
It’s sometimes a way backward
Time and tide may not wait
Only if you wait will you know
Just be yourself
Salau O John©
WHAT YOU’VE GOT
Here hails that you’ve got
Yet from here to there the search
But the way your way you fought
And pave way another’s shoe-show
Wished you think yearn things out
Your roles and rays in that you’ve got
And using it a fine joy throughout
But learn only the important suite
What you’ve got is you
But other talents why loot
So many times your work’s undue
Yet the path do must pave un-tooth
A future yours your fight mesmerized
Though in others eyes you are socks
But persistence with patience memorize
For many in luck do find the bucks
Salau O John©
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