If it is not within YOU - Where is LOVE?

This has been an intriguing question for me, and came to me just out of the blue one day. I didn't know why at first, and then I realized. It was because I was searching for love outside of myself in other people, and I had no business doing so before I discovered it within me!


Have you found yourself doing this? Looking to confirm whether or 'how much' the other people in your life love you? Or seeking to attract 'new love' into your life in the form of intimate relationships?

There's nothing wrong about wanting to evaluate our existing relationships with family, friends and partners. And of course it's totally acceptable to want a partner to share your life. So what do these questions mean?

Well, if you do not have it within you to give, you cannot expect it from others!

Have you evaluated your own feelings of love for YOU? There is one sure fire way of understanding whether you love YOU - or not - by taking a look at your lifestyle and at the things you say and do.

Are you happy with you? Do you like or love your own company? Can you be happy just spending the day on your own, with nothing to distract you? This means no tv, no phone calls, no interaction with others at all! Some people have told me they 'hate' to be alone! Gosh, that in itself is a strong statement, without thinking that they could possibly even consider the prospect that they are 'alone!' There are millions of people on the other side of the front door - so why could anyone feel 'alone'?

Perhaps because some people simply shut others out, feeling that they are not lovable, so why bother? Oh, I know what this one feels like - yes, I have felt this way before and so I can identify with those who may feel unloved. Did you know, that this feeling and therefore this action is primarily caused by not looking within to discover where we CAN be loved and lovable?! We all have magnificence and we can all find it.

If you are thinking "How?" right now, then this is the only barrier to you finding all the love you could ever want! I really mean this - it IS there waiting for you to acknowledge it!

The 'HOW?' is simple and yet I know the process is not always easy - the barriers that have been erected, the self-imposed wall around your heart, the low self-esteem that has invaded your body, are all layers of doubt that really do need attention. What action could you begin to take? Just peel those layers off, gently and with patience. They weren't built overnight, so may not fall overnight.

When can you start? RIGHT NOW!

Simply.....Ask yourself these questions, and write down the answers, so you can read them back to yourself.....

What is LOVE?

When in my life have I felt LOVE?

What does LOVE feel like?

What was I doing when I felt LOVE?

For whom have I felt LOVE?

What does LOVE look like?

Where can I find signs of LOVE in my home?

What about my life can I feel GRATEFUL for?

What about my life can I feel HAPPY about?

With the answers to these questions, can you now please look at yourself in the mirror and say;

I know what love feels like and because I have experienced it, I can always remember how I felt when there was love around, and recreate that feeling.

I need never feel alone, because my heart can fill with love each time I put my arms around my body and give myself a hug.

When I love me, my own world is complete, so others are free to join me and share my love.

When my heart fills with love, my whole face changes and attracts even more love - from others.

By being the loving person I know I am, I will attract other loving people into my life.

You can also add anything else you like - just look into the mirror and say loving things to yourself and watch how you grow and glow with happiness. When you concentrate on LOVE and focus your ATTENTION and your words on this feeling, you are 'intent' on building it within you.

Your INTENTION therefore becomes the process you intend to adopt to secure happiness in your life.

I take it that your search for love has been one of your 'ingredients' for having a happy life?!!

Thank you for taking part in your life by DOING this task. It is important to our higher self that we take action when each opportunity arises, and place our attention on growth, if we are to enjoy our journey, and discover our purpose and our passions. There is much to learn and much to experience for a fulfilling life to be ours.

If I haven't covered your challenge here, please do feel free to get in touch or leave a comment below. Whilst I know that the world is in need of more love, I do not know everyone's challenge. If you let me know your own challenge, I will be happy to provide some food for thought.

Love always, and thank you for visiting. Please come back again.

YOU’VE GOT TO RUN

Created alone first to run

Made of one to be different

But many had killed their fun

Waiting for life giving affluence

The battle line is drawn

The enemy stands at bay

Only the exceptional can burn

For idle hearts must be slayed

You are called for a purpose

And the fulfillment calls on you

You are made uniquely to propose

A cause you must run and boast

You’ve got to take that step

Though you see not that victory

Despair not in what’s kept

Making it is daring the odds

Salau O John©

JUST OBEY NOW

You have seen the vision and purpose

But it stands insignificant to sprout

You know the cause and your suppose

But your heart fears jumping out

You have heard the call to go

Yet, finance breaks your heart

You have heeded the little mold

But you call on how possible

Willingness and obedience only you need

But one is missing for fear

And you hoped in procrastination daily

While your day’s runs in tears

Nothing is asked by the giver

But your actions in that call

Looking may betray your banner

But what’s seen changes with time

Salau O John©

Building Our Social Reality

We know that our social reality depends in a great part on the culture that we are born into. When we are older, we then can form our own social theories. Our basic premises start out with the world that we experience around us though.


We develop in the social context that we are born into. Our parents and maybe siblings are our starting point in life. We then meet our relatives. Then maybe our parents’ friends, neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. We learn our first concepts and skills from our interactions with these people. Later on, our peers at school teach us things, then kids in the neighborhood, older kids, our friends' brothers and sisters, etc.

We just can't learn it all on our own. As we grow, we can do more things for ourselves, but when we're children, we need the guidance of an adult to be able to function optimally through our development. Children use adults as their "home base", a safe place, hopefully, to come back to when interaction with others becomes uncomfortable or too much. Our first interactions are directed by others, and then we internalize what we got out of the experience, to form our own social opinions of people, places and situations.

We get our starting values and strengths from our earliest social interactions. If our parents are social, then we will be too, unless something happens to change that. If they are very active in their culture, then we will be too, unless we adopt other cultural values. The things that we learn affect our values and strengths. The way that we develop affects these, too. The better teachers we have, the more we get out of our learning experience and can experience more and therefore have a wider range of options to choose from on "who" we want to be. Our social interactions in the formative years can be enhanced, or stunted by our teachers as well. As we find interests, we participate more willingly in certain activities, causing us to be social with like-minded peers. We then internalize the activity and the friends who also enjoy it, as something of "ours".

We may face criticism for our likes and dislikes. We may have weaknesses in other's eyes, whether they actually are weaknesses or not. We cannot measure the damage done by un-accepting, critical or mean-spirited family and friends. Rumors may hurt us, even when there is no basis in fact for them. Such activities put upon us by others, come from outside of us, and we have no control over them. They can stunt our social interactions.

If we have been hurt socially, we can change that. We can choose to not judge others by the yardstick of the "means" we grew up with. We can go to places and events where people who may be like-minded gather and find some new friends. If we feel that we are missing a part of our culture that our parents didn't participate in, we can go to cultural centers and events that people from that culture host and find new friends there that can teach us about that aspect of our heritage.

If we sit back and remember our history, we can rebuild our social reality. Remember our beginnings are just that, our starting point in life. If you had wonderful, perfect parents and siblings, then you know that you are blessed already. If not, then you can think back and decide if you can now decipher some of why they were the way that they were. Hindsight usually does bring 20/20 to situations. If all of your relatives love and accepted and were eager to teach you, then again you know how blessed you are! If not, then you can look back again at family dynamics and the like and decide why they acted towards you in the manner that they did. Anyone that your parents exposed you to, who did not have your best interests at heart, well, that is not your fault. As a child you have no control over situations that you are put into, and a child should not be expected to make adult decisions, because they are not yet capable of it!

As a child, if someone made you uncomfortable, you avoided them. Take a clue from your inner child there and don't let any breaking of spirit or social brainwashing put you in social situations that are not for you. If there is a place that you loved, but haven't been to in years, go back there and revisit it if you can. If not, you can use that place as a mental visual of your "safe place" for you to go to in times of stress. If your earliest social companions put you into situations that caused you pain, remember how that felt and the feelings that let you know something was wrong, and respect those feelings, and listen when they come up for you in the future and trust your inner child's intuition. If your values are the same as your parents', they will be pleased! If not, then they probably see it as some kind of lacking in you. If you can at all explain to them why your values are the ones for you and hopefully if you provide reasons and evidence, they will respect that.

Remember what your strengths were growing up, and incorporate them into your life now. They'll definitely be a self-esteem booster. If we function fine socially, then that is great. If not, then maybe is time to step out of your comfort zone and make some new friends. At some point in your childhood, you knew "who" you wanted to be. If you aren't there, then make some changes to spread your wings and grow into that person. Remember, baby steps, unless you're ready for that leap of faith! Unfortunately, there will always be miserable people who want to drag us down to the depths of despair with them. We just have to remember that WE choose our life and only YOU can make it what you want it to be. If you can find supportive soul-friends who will help you build your life, then hold onto them as long as they will let you! If not, then remember that you had the strength to be born and survive. You had the strength to navigate childhood and make it to your teens.

You had the strength to get through your teens alive. You had the strength to go out as an adult and try to make a life for yourself. NO ONE can take that away from you, once you have done it. If your social reality isn't what you would like it to be, then go out and make it what you want for yourself. Do it for that dear child that still lives in your soul, the one that looked up at the moon and stars at night in wonder and thought about what it was going to be like when they "grew up". It takes courage if you've been hurt socially, but I promise, if you can get through and find your soul-friends in this life, it will be SO worth it!

So, keep on searching, keep on moving...

PAY THE PRICE

It’s hard to change for growth

But the price must be paid

It’s hard to be in another’s shoe

But the plan must be laid

Weeping lasts only for a night

The joy arise for you, the morning

The wrong may be the limiting factor

But the price to pay, no mourning

It is the drilling, the sacrifice scared

But the harvest, a time of peace

Though the heart a scare-crow

The fear, future worthy teased

Pay thou the price for change

Even if the world hold you strange

Do those for future growth lay

Though the fear tough the heart away

Salau O John©

DESIRE IT

Have a heart, a mind, a goal

Dream the dream as you go

For your desire a must gotten

And that needed yours so button

Dream that dram to float

And let not the world sail your boat

For the sail sold your desire

And the time tails awaiting your fire

Move with men of your purpose

And live on line in your supposed

For men will babble your suite

And more of you will mail booth

I call to desire your dreams

And what you want to cream

For that planed after you meet

And your desire your caged sweet

Salau O John©

TRANSITION

We all have to experience transitions in our lives. We move to new homes. We move to new schools. We have different things on different days that we have to do. School is a big one for some people. Milestones bring new things that we can do, and therefore new experiences to have. Our lives are full of transitions! Parents may make choices that cause transitions for us. We change roles as we grow, which leads to transitions. Children sometimes will need extra attention and help during a transition time. Successful transitioning can bring us self-confidence. New environments require negotiating the transition. No matter how many suggestions that you get on how to deal with a transition, it will ultimately be your voyage to navigate.


School is usually our first big transition. Events in our lives follow along after that like stones in a stream. Children are not secure enough usually to handle transition well. Separation anxiety is common when they have to go away to school. Parents should be empathetic and let them talk as much as they want to about it. Other people are strange to us, until we get to know them, and can be a source of stress. Nursery school can be a good buffer to get kids ready for "big kid" school. New environments can be scary to us! As children we need our parents' help processing this. Finding support is important to us as adults as well. People with a good support system can handle the transitions in life better. Encouragement from a family member or friend can make all of the difference in whether we succeed or not in a transition.

Learning new skills opens us up to more transitions. In the school of life, we are constantly learning if we are open to it. We are all Earth's children. Our attitude has a lot to do with our success at a transition point. We can choose to be open and learn from our experiences, or close ourselves up and be in a rut forever. During the day, most of us have scheduled time in which to do certain tasks. As parents, we know that our kids have a school schedule, too. Their attitudes about school determine their success, too. Learning is an opportunity that some people won't get. There are still pockets of civilization where not everyone has access to an education.

Transitions will happen, whether we want them to, or not. Our homes may change. Our schools may change. We have new things that we have to do. If we are open to these experiences, we can successfully negotiate transitions. Sometimes, we don't want a particular transition, and if it's within your power to stop something that you don't want to happen, to happen, then by all means do your best to guide your life into a different direction! Sometimes we have no choice in transitions in our life, and then we just need to accept things as they are and make the best of things. It's o.k. to feel a little sad, or lost during a transition, we all feel that sometimes.

If we trust in ourselves, and in our Higher Power, that we are being led into our best life, then we will be. We can keep our minds in the present moment and experience all of our thoughts and feelings during a transition and decide if we wish to still remain on this path. Ultimately, transitions are up to you. You can plug in and become a part of the new situation, you can decide that it's unacceptable and take steps to change it, or you can steer your lifeboat in a different direction in your life-stream while still being a part of the new situation in hopes that something better will come along for you. It's your life and it's your decision on what kind of reality you wish to create.

WHAT YOU ARE

Hated by the world no lie

But here lies who you are

Although loved for what you are not

Try to tray not in another person’s sir

Where lies your footprint

No greatness in idle inhibition

And your power lies not in another’s track

For inhibition stands a limitation

Your own steps only must ply

For the world waits your impression

And that which mars stands only if untried

For your impression lies your promotion

What you are is what you are

Though the world you may hate

But all these the world do fear

And you are what you are only in your impression

Salau O John©

CHILDREN & EDUCATION

The wisdom of wishing education

Wisdom from parents to peer groups

The power of the book for connotation

From teachers to lecturers

The steps are ordered of men and God

The legacy of the mind for money

With a future tame-plan of humans

The old, the young hoped in its honey

But it was a heart of war without sword

The growth do gnaw at heart

Fathers, mothers, the pains do bear

Yet for life the future stands alert

O for the growth, the child no fear

Salau O John©