We develop in the social context that we are born into. Our parents and maybe siblings are our starting point in life. We then meet our relatives. Then maybe our parents’ friends, neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. We learn our first concepts and skills from our interactions with these people. Later on, our peers at school teach us things, then kids in the neighborhood, older kids, our friends' brothers and sisters, etc.
We just can't learn it all on our own. As we grow, we can do more things for ourselves, but when we're children, we need the guidance of an adult to be able to function optimally through our development. Children use adults as their "home base", a safe place, hopefully, to come back to when interaction with others becomes uncomfortable or too much. Our first interactions are directed by others, and then we internalize what we got out of the experience, to form our own social opinions of people, places and situations.
We get our starting values and strengths from our earliest social interactions. If our parents are social, then we will be too, unless something happens to change that. If they are very active in their culture, then we will be too, unless we adopt other cultural values. The things that we learn affect our values and strengths. The way that we develop affects these, too. The better teachers we have, the more we get out of our learning experience and can experience more and therefore have a wider range of options to choose from on "who" we want to be. Our social interactions in the formative years can be enhanced, or stunted by our teachers as well. As we find interests, we participate more willingly in certain activities, causing us to be social with like-minded peers. We then internalize the activity and the friends who also enjoy it, as something of "ours".
We may face criticism for our likes and dislikes. We may have weaknesses in other's eyes, whether they actually are weaknesses or not. We cannot measure the damage done by un-accepting, critical or mean-spirited family and friends. Rumors may hurt us, even when there is no basis in fact for them. Such activities put upon us by others, come from outside of us, and we have no control over them. They can stunt our social interactions.
If we have been hurt socially, we can change that. We can choose to not judge others by the yardstick of the "means" we grew up with. We can go to places and events where people who may be like-minded gather and find some new friends. If we feel that we are missing a part of our culture that our parents didn't participate in, we can go to cultural centers and events that people from that culture host and find new friends there that can teach us about that aspect of our heritage.
If we sit back and remember our history, we can rebuild our social reality. Remember our beginnings are just that, our starting point in life. If you had wonderful, perfect parents and siblings, then you know that you are blessed already. If not, then you can think back and decide if you can now decipher some of why they were the way that they were. Hindsight usually does bring 20/20 to situations. If all of your relatives love and accepted and were eager to teach you, then again you know how blessed you are! If not, then you can look back again at family dynamics and the like and decide why they acted towards you in the manner that they did. Anyone that your parents exposed you to, who did not have your best interests at heart, well, that is not your fault. As a child you have no control over situations that you are put into, and a child should not be expected to make adult decisions, because they are not yet capable of it!
As a child, if someone made you uncomfortable, you avoided them. Take a clue from your inner child there and don't let any breaking of spirit or social brainwashing put you in social situations that are not for you. If there is a place that you loved, but haven't been to in years, go back there and revisit it if you can. If not, you can use that place as a mental visual of your "safe place" for you to go to in times of stress. If your earliest social companions put you into situations that caused you pain, remember how that felt and the feelings that let you know something was wrong, and respect those feelings, and listen when they come up for you in the future and trust your inner child's intuition. If your values are the same as your parents', they will be pleased! If not, then they probably see it as some kind of lacking in you. If you can at all explain to them why your values are the ones for you and hopefully if you provide reasons and evidence, they will respect that.
Remember what your strengths were growing up, and incorporate them into your life now. They'll definitely be a self-esteem booster. If we function fine socially, then that is great. If not, then maybe is time to step out of your comfort zone and make some new friends. At some point in your childhood, you knew "who" you wanted to be. If you aren't there, then make some changes to spread your wings and grow into that person. Remember, baby steps, unless you're ready for that leap of faith! Unfortunately, there will always be miserable people who want to drag us down to the depths of despair with them. We just have to remember that WE choose our life and only YOU can make it what you want it to be. If you can find supportive soul-friends who will help you build your life, then hold onto them as long as they will let you! If not, then remember that you had the strength to be born and survive. You had the strength to navigate childhood and make it to your teens.
You had the strength to get through your teens alive. You had the strength to go out as an adult and try to make a life for yourself. NO ONE can take that away from you, once you have done it. If your social reality isn't what you would like it to be, then go out and make it what you want for yourself. Do it for that dear child that still lives in your soul, the one that looked up at the moon and stars at night in wonder and thought about what it was going to be like when they "grew up". It takes courage if you've been hurt socially, but I promise, if you can get through and find your soul-friends in this life, it will be SO worth it!
So, keep on searching, keep on moving...
PAY THE PRICE
It’s hard to change for growth
But the price must be paid
It’s hard to be in another’s shoe
But the plan must be laid
Weeping lasts only for a night
The joy arise for you, the morning
The wrong may be the limiting factor
But the price to pay, no mourning
It is the drilling, the sacrifice scared
But the harvest, a time of peace
Though the heart a scare-crow
The fear, future worthy teased
Pay thou the price for change
Even if the world hold you strange
Do those for future growth lay
Though the fear tough the heart away
Salau O John©
DESIRE IT
Have a heart, a mind, a goal
Dream the dream as you go
For your desire a must gotten
And that needed yours so button
Dream that dram to float
And let not the world sail your boat
For the sail sold your desire
And the time tails awaiting your fire
Move with men of your purpose
And live on line in your supposed
For men will babble your suite
And more of you will mail booth
I call to desire your dreams
And what you want to cream
For that planed after you meet
And your desire your caged sweet
Salau O John©
No comments:
Post a Comment