I was told as a child and youth, "just be yourself" whenever I felt nervous about meeting new people, speaking in front of my classmates, or applying for a job I wanted but felt insecure about getting. It was a nice gesture to pacify me, but their attempt at encouragement left me more confused than ready to take on a new challenge.
Those same persons had also generally reinforced in me that I was too quiet, too loud, not engaging enough, too fat, and too poor a communicator to ever succeed in life because at the time I had a stuttering problem. They also complained that I lacked confidence and needed to have more self-esteem. Those comments certainly caused me to spend some time wondering what part of myself I was suppose to utilize when there was so little good to work with for success.
After careful consideration I came to realize that most people don't really know what they're saying when they tell someone to be themselves. The only way it can have meaning and purpose is if the person giving that instruction approves of the person they give it to and believes in them. Telling someone "to be yourself" must be backed with honesty and truth.
So whenever someone tells you to "be yourself" you should only take their advice if you're sure they approve of you and believe you're about to take part in a situation you can handle. Otherwise, they may be giving you poor advice. Especially if you don't intend to use enough wisdom to assess what you're about to do and plan accordingly.
For example, if you're about to make a business proposal to a group of executives for their financial backing and you go before them dressed "as yourself" in casual jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes while they're dressed in conservative business suits, being yourself a hundred percent is probably going to work against you. And if they're as conservative as they appear, you had better speak in a professional manner or your contemporary speaking style may turn them off sooner than your casual attire does.
It's important to be ourselves, but in order to be compatible with certain types of people for the best communication to take place; we have to modify our appearances and behaviors somewhat while we present our true inner qualities through our actions and verbal content.
Let's face it; you can only be your best at the moment from what you know. So if your "real self" doesn't get you what you're seeking after, you must use the negative experiences in your life to positively alter and refine your behavior for specific situations.
This is how we develop ourselves and grow. By looking at the phrase, "just be yourself" logically, we should always take final responsibility for our actions and ability to succeed. Don't put that responsibility on someone else or you'll blame them if you fail and you'll never grow.
By "just being ourselves," we won't see any reason for personal development and little reason to go after the dreams we desire because our "real selves" if undeveloped, will keep us from having the courage to reach beyond what we know at the moment to achieve fulfillment.
So the next time someone tells you to "just be yourself' think very carefully if that's really good advice or if you need to make some changes that will not only benefit you, but will help you to make an honest, yet successful presentation of yourself and your plans. Look to yourself in order to be yourself and success will follow.
A PROJECT MUST BE
Have you ever seen the clouds?
When the darkness parades the earth
Have you ever died inside out?
And felt like darkness in vision
You know the road but time
You see the dreams but finance
And you cry why in the prime
Like a child in search of friendship
The actions to take hold you
The things to do boil you
And many days questions probe
But many have tried this blob
The project must come to pass
For all men are purpose born
The light must shine to last
But it’s up to you carrying it
Salau O John©
No comments:
Post a Comment