Stay Happy: Let go of Grudges

In a way we all do go about with grudges troubling us and holding us back in heart for a better thing awaiting factual movement to success. Sometimes the things we fight and hold grudges about are not really important and finding a solution to the cause is of paramount importance in our daily living, if we want peace of mind.

By holding onto grudges, we are holding onto the past and this holds us back and stops us from growing and going onward with our lives. Grudges and not allowing ourselves to let go of the past is negative and negativity holds us back and stops us from achieving what we are capable of achieving out of life and encourages resentment, unhappiness and fear instead of being happy in life and finding peace within ourselves. Forgiveness is the key to happiness, true forgiveness is when you can release all your negative feelings towards another and let them go completely, you have to let the grudge go not only through words of acceptance but also feel it in your heart and soul.

Why is forgiving so difficult to do?
It is our negative ego that causes us to hold a grudge and tells us not to let it go, like all things that block success and happiness in our life, negativity again plays a huge part, only this time it affects our ego. By letting negativity affect our lives this way we are opening up the door and welcoming bitterness and deep resentment and these manifest deep within us and show themselves in our health. Holding onto a grudge causes ulcers, stress and general overall poor health so it is essential that we learn to let go of our resentment and move on with life by letting go of our grudges. As with every other problem relating to negativity in our lives it is all about how we think, forgiveness is all about letting go of harmful train of thought patterns and developing new ones.

Developing the ability to let go
Developing the ability to let go takes time, if you allow yourself to look at your feelings honestly and calmly then you will realize that negative feelings evaporate and you begin to feel peace of mind through letting go of deep resentment. The key to truly forgiving is first being able to release your hurt and anger that person has caused you, without letting go of these feelings; true forgiveness is next to impossible. If you try to forgive without releasing these feelings then the hurt and anger you feel will only continue to build and will manifest as resentment further down the road and resentment will eventually rear its ugly head, have no doubt about that.

A great way of releasing your feelings is to look directly at them and in great detail, admitting what it is that has hurt you and why it hurt you and realizing why you have to let it go, look at your feelings in a different light and gradually allow yourself to forgive and let go. Forgiveness has to come from deep within you, there is no outside force which keeps a grudge building up, the feelings of forgiveness can only be generated from within yourself, only you can take responsibility and forgive and let go and move on in a more peaceful and contented life.

THIS COMMON LIFE

Daily we go on with different situations

Trying to breathe different facts out

Though seeing so many things, no consolation

Higher or lower we are compelled

Situations differs to all in bliss

Whether sorrowful or joyful we go

The trailing and training of all these

We are humans in our connotations

We go on again breaking rules

Running the race life offers all

Friends or enemies may toil

But we all do get there

O for knowledge to brood all!

The heart lingers over living choices

We are making the calls to ball

Our common life is calling onward

Salau O John©2010

I TEACH TODAY

Somehow we’ve met here today

Tomorrow may not be foretold

But in our today don’t delay

As I tray all I’ve learned

Maybe we were meant to meet

I know not what tomorrow holds

Maybe just for your season unfit

We are friends today but tomorrow

All that I’ve gleaned in facts

To you I sail before time

Tomorrow may be our friendship pact

We see nothing but our today

I’ve only come here to teach

To tray that I’ve only seen

As the highest knowledge none can reach

My gleaned, known, suffered, I give

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau John

aka

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10 tips for effective communication

Hey friend,

Just remembering the issues we mostly have in our normal everyday discussions with one another, how we most times just can't wait to get our facts straightened out, jumping into conclusions and creating issues out little verbal words that can be settled with a little patience.


I believe we all need time and understanding in this issue of communication and having an effective, happy brain-word storming right.

The ability to be able to communicate well is essential in all walks of life if we are to succeed and accomplish the goals we set out for ourselves. The key to any successful relationship is having the ability to communicate and this applies equally to personal relationships as well as building interpersonal relationships within the workplace. Here are ten tips for developing good communication skills that you can use to build upon.

1. Always let the person who is talking finish what they are saying before you speak, if you speak before they have had their say then you could miss a valuable point, if you break into their conversation it also shows
that you think what you have to say matters more than what they do and is extremely bad manners.

2. Listen intently to what the other person is saying to you, if all you are doing is thinking of how you are going to reply to the person then your full attention isn’t focused on what they are saying and you could miss
something important.

3. Always stay focused on the present and never bring up past issues, however related it may seem. This only cloud the present issues and can make the conversation difficult and even more confusing.

4. Really listen to what the other is saying to you, it is so easy to drift away with thoughts of your own especially if you don’t agree with what the person is saying to you, try not to get defensive and don’t interrupt
them before they have made their point.

5. Instead of trying to win an argument or conflict try to reason and find a solution that is agreeable to both parties, this is a much more effective way to communicate than trying to battle it out just for the sake of
winning, this way no one is the loser.

6. Take a break if you cannot come to a reasonable agreement in a conversation when at odds, taking a break will allow you to cool down and gather your thoughts before communicating again.

7. Try to see the others point of view and don’t just stick with what you have in mind, talk over the ins and outs and explain simply and fully why you don’t think their idea is a good one while making suggestions of your own, but don’t be too quick to dismiss the others idea until you have the full picture.

8. Even if you don’t like what other person is saying try to be respectful of their opinion and do listen to what they have to say even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.

9. Don’t blow things out of proportion while conversing, if possible avoid starting sentences with “you always” or “you never”, always think about what you are saying and make sure that what you are saying is true, blowing things out of proportion, blaming and bringing up the past only creates more negativity.

10. Don’t always put all the blame on others, sometimes we handle conflicts by blaming things entirely on others and criticizing; try to analyze the situation objectively to find a solution.

HIS HE LISTENING

So many times we’ve all prayed

Waiting for an answer in halls

Like Jesus in Gethsemane no answer

We see life and many things ball

We are all same in this journey

But time holds behind the scene

And without patience we frolic

Scared of all that’s seen

Quietness parades our sights

And we hoped in answers boldness

Even the world frustrates our reckoning

We are men of great wilderness

He is listening for no answer

The command stands that He gave

But all men wait for another

Only obeying that known is safe

Salau O John©2010

QUESTION OR QUESTION

Life and men like solders

To command respect or demand it

The rich is respected even covered

How many understand these roles

The stage had been set here

Servants are commanded to obey

The leader demand respect and fear

But the servants fear only roles

Another leader came to command

But in love everyone obeyed

A friend to servants in regard

Love blossom to enthusiastic work

The question probes hearts alive

Which to follow of two leaders?

Demanding or commanding respect hive

Men knows that to hold brief

Salau O John©2010

Enjoy your day,

Salau John

aka

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Developing Relationships for Happiness

It's a wonderful day I believe out there my friend,

Just thought of helping you out in a way on that relationship of yours, thinking we all need some understanding to make it last in our own way.

Enjoy the days post and feel free to post your comment.

Learning to develop your relationship skills can have a huge affect on your life and happiness in life, we all have relationships whether they are marriage, living together, sons, daughters, friends and family and having a good relationship with them makes a big difference.

The biggest downfall in relationships is poor communication, communicating poorly in a relationship leads to problems such as misunderstandings, disagreements, and anger and eventually putting your relationship at a distance. Improving your communication in relationships can help you to develop a deeper, lasting, more meaningful relationship and so a much happier life. There are many tips and techniques which are quick and easy to learn to get more out of your relationships and develop them into more meaningful ones, here are just a few.

- When dealing with conflicts in relationships never bring up the past, try to stick to the issue at hand and working towards a solution, bringing up past issues will only confuse the situation more and is very unlikely to go towards resolving the problem.

- Try to see any conflict from the other person’s point of view, if you are both only focusing on your own point of view there will very likely be no give and take and ultimately no solution to the problem.

- Always listen to what the person is saying, while many of us think we do very few actually do listen whole-heartedly, most of the time we drift off to think about other things or think about what the person is going to say next.

Don’t immediately get on the defensive when you are criticized, while this is hard to do, as no one like to hear criticism it is important to understand the others thoughts.

- Instead of being pig headed and always trying to win the argument, try looking for ways that you can come to some sort of compromise together, working together is more productive than working against each other.

- If tempers become frayed while discussing a difference of opinion, take a break; going at it all out will only lead to one or the other saying something which they will regret when cooled down.

- Don’t always put the blame on the other person, realize that you are not perfect and not always right all the time.

- If you feel your relationship is going downhill fast then don’t be afraid to get some help via counseling.

- Make time for your relationships; take long walks that give you the opportunity to talk instead of sitting down in front of the TV.

- Make a surprise and unexpected call to your loved one, family members or friends if for nothing else but just to say “Hi, I was just thinking about you”

- Make them feel special every now and again, give them a token of your appreciation to let them know you care or to say thank you.

- In loving relationships make sure the other knows how you feel, when talking hold hands or show some other sign of affection to them.

TO YOU

I have given my love to you

And nothing else holds me

I have sailed my words, my due

And none can hold me back

All I have I’ve tray you

Though my lights are obscured

All I’ll be I’ve shown you

Though for now God’s our line

You have given your heart to me

And nothing else held you back

You have shown more love to me

And proved that God is true

All you have you’ve given out

Though many times I pretend truly

All you’ve won was spiritually bout

Though truly Gods love made it sure

Our love was cloven from heaven

For through Gods love we’re out

And the end our love grows fruits, leaven

Salau O John©2010

LET’S GO BACK

The foundation was rightly laid

But in building, cements, not enough

The beginning was correctly paved

But in the middle we wobbled

Now prayers are calling order

And time is pursuing unseen faces

While the future waits on plans alive

And hard-work takes tolls in places

The foundation is intact, let’s renovate

Many more things miss9ng can be added

But only with the builders to collaborate

Bringing back the missing links of beginning

It should have been to the end

But many things stole time away

And uncompleted brings many bends

Let’s go back to the beginning again

Salau O John©2010

YOUR LOVE

It was your love keeping me

I kept on moving and glowing

It was your love setting me free

I kept on sowing and showing

What hails me without your love?

For so many times I fall short

Yet you stood in all my resolve

Helping me to move in the forth

What am I without your love?

A moving bullet without a target

You were my all, my days revolve

And in all I’ve found no regret

Where would I have been without you?

For like a child I fail to grow

But through the mist you were true

And all in all I can glow

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau John (O.O.J)

aka

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Let's Talk About Anger (Part 2) 7 Ways of Controlling Anger

Another time another day out here to you my friend.


Hoping you enjoy the last post on anger, knowing fully well that sometimes in anger we all do go turning little matters into great burdens.

Today, just a look at ways to help in confronting anger and make a better living through it.

Please feel free to make your comment and kindly enjoy the post.

Everyone gets angry at sometime in his or her life over something that happens. However, anger is a negative emotion that leads to feelings of sadness, guilt, frustration, unhappiness and helplessness. Anger is an emotion which we must recognize and be able to let go in order to be happy and successful in life, finding a resolution for the anger is essential in being able to let it go and move on. Knowing what you are actually angry with helps, do you feel angry at another’s actions or are you angry at your own reaction?

Finding out what actually upsets you is an important factor in actually narrowing down what it is that is bothering you. The more you practice controlling your anger the easier it becomes to let it go and move on and by learning to control your anger you are effectively learning to take control over your life and happiness. Here are 7 top tips for gaining control over your anger.

1. When you feel anger beginning to build up inside of you, let your whole body droop and relax to the best of your ability while beginning to breathe from the diaphragm, breathing in this way helps to calm both the body and mind which leads to letting go of the anger before it takes a hold.

2. Ask yourself if being angry and working yourself up is going to make any difference to the situation, for example if someone cuts in front of you, is it really going to change anything if you curse and blow your horn. Is it worth stressing yourself?

3. Visualize a stress free zone in your mind, this should be a place where you feel totally relaxed and calm and a place which only you knows about where you can quickly go too when you feel anger beginning to build up inside. It can be a totally imaginary place or one that you have visited in life where you feel totally relaxed and at ease.

4. When you feel anger beginning to build up due to someone else’s actions think of yourself doing exactly the same thing as they did, would you be angry with yourself if you were the one doing it?

5. Realize that it’s you and you alone that is allowing the anger to build up inside of you, while it may have been caused by someone else, you chose to let it bother you and to get angry.

6. Counting to 10 really can help to diffuse anger, by concentrating on counting you are forgetting what happened and are consciously letting anger go.

7. Repeat an affirmation or mantra to yourself whenever you feel anger beginning to build up inside, for example tell yourself to “take it easy”, “I feel calm and relaxed”, “anger isn’t going to get me anywhere” or “let it go”. Affirmations can help to diffuse your anger and get you back on the right track to thinking in a more positive and calming way.

ALLOW NOT TEMPTATION

It is beautiful it looks wonderful

What I have is not enough

It looks better than one at hand

Have you understood devil’s strategies?

To tempt to destroy future goods

Love dies for selfishness in chronologies

But to God many must only tray

Temptation will and must arise

But only discipline before helps all

Though in falling rising must twice

Everyone the process of perfection follows

One step and two many have failed

Allow not that loved to lead thought

But confer the word and sail

For in time you’re a savior

Salau O John©2010

LOVE OR TONGUED

The word goes on a voyage

I love you God bless you

But the needs stand without courage

And in un-happiness life goes on

Love or words which do part?

The world is selfish, not all

I’ll help you not with the heart

Men will and will be men

The words the action portrayed

The game of living and dying

How many understand what sailed?

We portray words where’s the action?

One step daily backward in words

While many are dying for the trust

We call leaders’ mistakes our sword

But who can but look the mirror?

Salau O John©2010

To your success,

Salau O John

aka

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Let's Talk About Anger (Part 1)

As the day rolls on, let's  talk about anger and solving its issue today.

Nearly anyone and everyone – people of all ages worldwide – is prone to displays of anger. The degree of frequency and level of intensity of the emotion are what vary most and most often result in how well a person
handles the anger and whether there are positive or negative results.

A key to those who successfully manage anger is gaining control. And in order to gain control over the emotion, it helps to first take a look at anger itself, what it is and how to deal with it effectively.

Anger is an emotion. It can be triggered by a variety of things, issues, people, places, etc. Some of the top triggers are jealousy, confrontations, failure, greed, fear, low self-esteem, assertiveness, feeling threatened and pain.

When a person gets angry, the negative emotion can actually harm the person’s physical and emotional well-being. The heart rate increases, stress levels rise, and often a fight or flight reaction is the immediate response, neither one always presenting a healthy alternative.

What counters anger best is to be prepared in advance to learn major triggers, how to tell when they are about to happen, when possible, so as to avoid them, plus a variety of coping skills in order to deal with what is necessary. To help, keep a private journal to note any anger triggers, ways to possibly avoid confrontations down the road and possible coping techniques to try. You can use the following triggers, coping techniques and helpful tips as a good starting point.

Trips Your Trigger
When you’re calm, make a list of things, people, places, events, etc. that tend to trip your trigger:
1. Calling businesses and getting automated menus to choose form that run you in circles, accomplishing nothing productive.
2. Handling angry customer service calls

3. Going to visit in-laws

4. Heavy traffic during rush hour

5. Loosing with my Mutual Funds account in the stock market

Anger Aids
List ways to deal with anger when you’re have a positive frame of mind and are in a good mood, to spark better creativity:

1. Cool off with ice cream – As simplistic as this sounds, something cool and soothing can often help take the heat off the moment and begin cooling the entire body down.

2. Take a hike or walk – Taking a step back, away from it all, can do wonders to give you a more world-view of the situation. Being in the center of issues can make them seem larger than they really are,
making the proverbial mountains out of molehills.

3. Dance – Let it all out via your own expression. Dance to the beat of the music of your choice.

4. Write it out - Journal and create a column of ‘lemons’ along with another column alongside for solutions or ‘lemonade.’

5. Avoid / alter path of destruction in advance – Take a different route during rush hour or alter your schedule.

By planning, you can prepare yourself in advance. Plan and conquer, and keep at the process on a regular basis.

KEEP THINKING

Deeper than life stronger than death

Strange is the heart that can read

Harmonies of life oneness of birth

The mind is an ocean of thought

Concentrating the heart waiting for time

Building the life creating the future

Thoughts make that to be primed

The mind is an ocean of thought

Becoming great releasing the actuality

All that will be thought will be

Making the man making the faculty

A vision through thought must be

Keep thinking the straight course

Hiding the mind forwarding the vision

Hearing the guilt’s breaking the curse

A mission thought must be

Salau O John©2010

JUST YOUR INSIDE

What is professed what is seen?

Life and the difference faces tray

We say but the heart is gleaned

Who understand that men lay?

The inner man against the outer man

A cry within and smiles without

Against sin cried but closet manned

What is portrayed what is left out?

The inside trays the home call

A little leaven kills the whole

How can time change for all?

The day came for the beginning soul

Just the inside trays the life

For practice makes perfect all

One day the hidden will alight

For nothing change but practice calls

Salau O John©2010

 

Not Yours

The life that be, a borrowed life

The time that taken a given one

Yet you’re promised the world no lies

And forget all things do long

The days and ways do ply

But runs no end it’s own

It’s mans mistakes flying by

For tomorrow tows in line alone

Except the Lord should have been said

But no give was called upon

From foundation you came, the last felt

Yet your heart self do open

I call to order the days that dote

But will you listen, time tolls

The seeds do die before growth

So open thou eyes the days die

Salau O John©2010

Till next time.

Enjoy your time out there,

Salau John (O.O.John)

aka

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Tips for Getting Out of a Rut

Thanks friend for being with me all this while. Here is a post I believe will do some service to you out there today.

Just another lovely day for a post like this to help you get out of your burdens. I know sometimes we all get to that  place of what can I do to get this done or that out of my mind.

Today is a great day to let go of those bubbling troubles and giving a chance to learn from what i have learned in life and being me is better off than just looking at you and others going through  it.

Here I propose a helping hand and I believe it will be of great help to you in time.

Do you feel stuck in your life? Has the world suddenly seemed to have closed in around you? In addition, are you are doing the same thing day in, day out? If this sounds like your life then you are probably stuck in a rut, with what seems to be no way out.

Being stuck in a rut can drag you down, make you feel depressed, or as if life is something you just go through but have long since stopped enjoying. You become this way slowly without even realizing it, until one day you wonder what happened and when.

For many of us our daily life is governed by some form of routine which we cannot avoid, for example going to work 8 hours a day, taking the kids to school each morning, this is daily life and routine which for the most part cannot be changed. Another reason behind routine is the safety barrier; we get comfortable with our lives and feel secure in them, so why change?

However, sometimes routine can start to get us down, leave us with a feeling of dissociation and start causing problems in relationships, work and daily life in general, we gradually become unhappy. This is when a change is needed; this is the time to dig yourself out of the hole you have put yourself in and start enjoying life again.
Here are some tips to help you begin to take back control over you life and get out of the rut.

1. Do at least one thing everyday that is different to your normal routine, this could be something as simple as taking a short break and going for a walk, sitting down to read a chapter of a book or any other hobby or pastime you once enjoyed.

2. Take up a new hobby, make sure that you give yourself some times throughout the day to just enjoy something you like doing.

3. Shake up meal times by having something different, you can either try a different recipe or order different take out, try foods from different cultures.
4. Get out and meet new people, there are many ways you can achieve this, join a gym, club or attend a self-improvement class or hobby class.

5. Drive a different way to work or if possible walk or start bicycling, not only will this break the rut you are in but also get you fitter.

6. Take up a new sport; there are many types of sport with something for the fitter to the more moderate forms of exercise.

7. Do something each day that is totally out of character for you, start off with small changes and work your way up to bigger ones.

8. If you are stuck at home with children then change your routine throughout the day, don’t always do the same chore at the same time, shake up the way you do your housework.

9. Make small changes around the home or work area.

10. De-clutter your home or work area; it is surprising how being surrounded by clutter can get you down.

Enjoy your day,

HARD TO COMPREHEND

The issues of the human minds

The throes of life in thinking

The thoughts propelled by different kinds

How on earth can man comprehend?

The thoughts of business and relationships

The bugs of heartbreaks and poverty

The back-turned human burning lordship

Who can comprehend these burning tides?

As the journey goes on differently here

The pangs of different connotations bout

Faces differ, only the best must care

Life only in sphere does exist

Our thoughts probes us daily

What we know is half boiled

Only learning keeps us here daily

As understanding birth peaceful progress

Salau O John©

 

SELFISH ME (Heb 13 v 1-3)

I give myself to the world freely

All I know and do for free

I find my comfort in helping all

But who buys my bubbling calls?

I gave my love to all but one

Yet in time selfish builds that

I am called selfish for loving throughout

Yet I know there’s a judge above

Never was I lazy in loving all

But this pines my heart to ball

I was created to build my time

But I die daily to be fine

Salau O John©

THIS WICKED WORLD

There’s a dream planned for a child

Keeping it secret is the whole matter

Though some might search being mild

The future, it will surely come

Delay is not denial they say

But many have died displaying nothing

The world their wicked belly lay

How many understand these things?

Hard-work goes slavery comes

That to become is run after

And confusion breaks hearts in tones

The world seems peaceful in laughter

Making a dream praying the dream

Becoming the dream is working the dream

The world is a strange bout place

And planning with God lays the way

Salau O John©

Salau John (O. O. J)

aka

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