YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS

It has often been said that, “the people you know matters in life”, and the same applies to any relationship, especially that dealing with the matters of the heart.

Anyone who must have friends must be friendly and only birds of a feather flock together. Life is all about relationship and relationship only comes through friendship or it’s nurtured by it.

We all do need friends in life, friends who will be there in times of need, comfort etc. as we go on in life our friendship level changes, some friends are good to hold unto while others we will have to let go of; but the truth of the matter is that, to have a good relationship, it must all begin from friendship.

A friend is one who tells you the truth no matter what; a person who knows your faults but loves you anyway, helping you to curb it or finding ways to help you become that which God has listed for you by focusing on your strong points, not one who tries to manipulate you for what you have or you can offer.

FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is sharing warmth and intimate relationship with someone you like and trust. It forms an integral part of a young person’s life because it helps him transform from childhood to adulthood. It provides the chance for acquiring experiences, building self-identity, conflict management skills and interpersonal communication; it’s a very vital ingredient during adolescence and throughout life. Friendship does not involve sex. You must know how to choose and find strong and good friends to be with.

You must work hand-in-hand to build a successful relationship. Never take a friend for granted. To have a friend, you must be a friend yourself and making friends is very easy if you can follow these rules:

BE LIKEABLE

You should be the kind of person who ventures into understanding others and not just yourself. Love and like others even though it may not be your culture, it will help you in the end because we all need someone when we are down and those you meet today may be the ones for your tomorrow’s growth.

TAKE THE INITIATIVE

Never wait for others to come to you, go all out to get the friends you need; get to know people that matters to your becoming what you want to be in life and never neglect anyone out of your way. Take the first step in making friends and you will never regret it for life. Everyone needs a friend and getting one is just a neighbor near you, just talk to the person with a friendly disposition to all those that you might meet on your way up and see how things work out for you.

GET NAMES RIGHT AND GIVE YOURS

It is very important that you get peoples names right the first time you meet them and if you know that you can’t remember their name, ask again, it won’t hurt you or them if you do. Nobody likes his/her name being called wrongly or spelt badly. It will do you much good if you can even write down the name for keeps in case you might forget it.

EXCHANGE CARDS, TELEPHONE NUMBER

For a fact, it has been observed that the person you keep his or her information and get to know better becomes your best friend in the end of time. He or she will often become a person that you will need in that dream and goals of yours. If he or she can’t help you he/she can introduce you to someone who can and make, pave ways for you to fulfill your dreams and goals on earth. So keep tabs of your friends for future purposes!

DON’T EXPECT PERFECTION

On earth nobody is perfect and until we accept our imperfections can we see to others own. If we all expect perfection then no one will be able to work with each other, our imperfections makes us different from one another and shows that we are still humans trying to attain to what we all want to be. No one is ever going to be perfect but love and understand will create whatever is missing in anyone and bring us close to walk together without any grudges.

FIND QUALITIES TO ADMIRE

The important thing to do in our imperfections is to find something in the other person to love and admire for good and to try to develop that aspect of that person into becoming what we want from that person. Looking into others weaknesses builds and magnifies their weakness to us and makes us start to dwindle even when they themselves are trying to change their short-comings by not looking into it. We all need to learn not think and look too much into the imperfection of others but to help with their good sides first and see what will happen to the imperfect sides. This is not saying you should forget about the imperfect side completely but to help only in making the person perfect in all areas of life

GET TIME FOR COMMUNICATION

This is a vital point to take into consideration. Without good communication no friendship can stand the test of time because when messages are not relayed nothing is being done or messages are relayed with a break in transmission; then there arise the problem of misunderstanding.

There are so many ways to pass across messages in any given relationship, e.g.:

Conversation: You must create time to see each other, talk together, go out and be in places where you both can talk without any interference.

Phone: Handset is everywhere making it easy for love to go on even where distance is involved. You can call each other at anytime, anywhere and get to know how things are with each other or send text messages of comfort and happenings.

Greeting cards: Card is another wonderful avenue of creating a lasting, beautiful friendship. There are so many categories of cards on different topics that can help any relationship or friendship to grow and be healthy to live in and with.

Internet: Another great avenue is being online where you have so many facilities to use in sending messages to each other. You can write to each other, find time to chat, or use the free internet to phone text messaging. The world is now a global village making it easy for friends and lovers too.

Hand letters: The old letter writing avenue that can never die. You can write letters to each other, telling of how you feel, how things are or just play on words to help and make each other happy. Another is writing poems of love, comfort, and understanding to each other (you can even employ a poet for this). You just need to make sure that you are conversing and making a meaningful relationship that will last forever and be remembered by both of you in the future.

You must understand that communication and conversation plays a vital role in any given relationship, and that without it you can’t understand each others likes, wants, and needs.

PRACTICE CONVERSATION

Conversation is very vital to any relationship be it friendship or courtship. Conversation or communication is like water and sun to a plant, without it death is sure in any relationship. You must get talking and have time together to get to know each other and find out each others likes and dislikes. Although with the opposite sex many times it is thought wrongly except when we were kids. All minds needs to open to the fact that friendship is inevitable to all.

Time

Time, you need it with me

Time stopped; cracks communication

Time promised should be kept

Time is important for love to grow

Time is like water the seed (love)

{That means without water seeds starts to die

Until it completely dies out]

We need more time together

RACTICE CURTSY

Curtsy and appreciation is the ingredient of a good friendship/courtship or relationship. It is like cultivating a garden. Without it a relationship can die and with it, growth is ensure to move in. be courteous always to your friends and partners because it will help you and help him/her too to do the same back to whomever is met on the way of any relationship.

Don’t forget this is the most important ingredient in any relationship. Say it all the time and mean it!

BUILD FRIENDSHIP

Friendship is built not jump into. You can’t meet a person today and be friends immediately; it will take some time before it can really work out for both of you. You will have to know and learn about who you are walking with, his or her temperaments, likes and behavioral patterns. Don’t just find someone today and tell them all about yourself; watch before you leap, get to know the person well enough before you voice anything about yourself out and be loveable, likeable and humble in all your dealings with the new found friend.

DEVELOP ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE

Accept people for who they are not what you want them to be. Acceptance is the real thing that makes a friendship accommodating, and help it to grow into what we all dream and want it to be.

DEVELOP MUTUAL ATTRACTION

Like all things, you must develop mutual attraction with your friends or partner because it stand the basis of your continual friendship and growth. It will help in working together and being you without hiding anything from the friend or partner that you are walking with.

DEVELOP COMMITMENT

Be committed to your friends and yourself no matter what and give them the benefit of doubt about yourself so that they can trust, work with you and help you in times of trouble.

DEVELOP RESPECT

Many times we all fail to understand the power of respect in friendship. Respect does not mean that you have low self esteem or that you don’t know your rights in that relationship. It is being matured and showing that you want peace and understanding to reign in that relationship you are into.

Everybody knows that all men are egocentric in their daily dealings even though some do try to suppress their own. A lady must still be careful not to trample far into an area that will cause a friend to be angry and make decisions that will hurt her. This also applies to the man because some women too have their own ways to deal with; all things work out through understanding and patience with perseverance.

Every human being as it is said is “self-centered” even when Christ is known of them. We are all trying to attain unto perfection, and that will only be when heaven is reached. We all need to understand each other so that we can walk peacefully together hand-in-hand.

Respect is the ability to know when you have crossed your boundary in any relationship that you are in and the ability to understand when to begin something or stop it.

You need to understand that when respect is lost in a relationship/friendship, chaotic situation will occur, which can lead to break up in the relationship. Lack of respect is the destroyer of many relationships.

BUILD TRUST & UNDERSTANDING

It’s important to build trust and understanding in any relationship because that will be what both of you will hold unto in the future. And to build this you must focus on the good side of one another.

Trust and understanding is not easy to build if truth is lost in any relationship. Truth is a vital ingredient in building trust and understanding.

TRUST

Believe in you…means Trust

Standing for you…means Trust

Accepting your words…means Trust

Loving you…means Trust

You can’t love one who you don’t/can’t Trust

HELP ONE ANOTHER

This is a good point to note, as it is understood from life itself that all humans are but selfish.

In any relationship/friendship everything must be reciprocally done. It is a give and take affair not a “give me” and ‘give me’ one.

Nothing in life is ever equal, and helping one another out only creates a future of love, understanding and respect.

In the real terms, all women wants and love a man that can give and provide everything they need whether married or not, but most times this can’t be possible for the man; helping out one another creates a permeable condition for the future. Not all needs can be met because mans needs are more than the eyes can view but hand-in-hand a lot can be done in any relationship.

A man can help a woman and a woman can also do the same, but this should not be used as a clock for deceptive and malicious means by the sexes.

CHANGE YOUR THOUGHT

Many have gone through bad relationship(s) before which gives them the fear that all other relationships that they might go into will be the same, it creates fear in their heart of moving into another relationship and make them believe that any other one will be the same for them because of what they have gone through in the old one.

The fear is that any other person that comes their way is looked upon as the same from their past relationship. As it is known no two person are ever the same in behavior and today’s mistakes are tomorrow’s lessons if cultivated wisely without any biased mind or thoughts.

GAINS FROM FRIENDSHIP

Friends help in shaping strong relationship and who we are or become:

• They make us laugh

• Makes us happy

• Add to our emotional growth

• Teaches us how to be close to someone

• Introduce new ideas, new things to us

• Share our dreams

• Enlarge our horizon

• Help us in planning our future

• Gives us answers to our questions when we are young

• Make us feel comfortable in times of change while growing up

• Gives us encouragement in times of trouble or problems

• Assure us the more about ourselves

• Add to building our self-esteem

FRIENDSHIP

They build our ability to:

• Be open about our feeling and thoughts, the ability to communicate well

• To be supportive in times of trouble or feeling low

• Teaches us the ability to negotiate well

• Ability to share to work together, share responsibility and co-operate

• Ability to accept differences in opinions, practices and beliefs

THE TRUE FRIENDS

True friends are easily known through these:

• A mutual respect accommodating others values, choices and decision

• Accepting people for who, what and as they are

• Communicating in honesty, sharing the truth

• Able to support each other and dependent on one another.

THIS IS NOT FRIENDSHIP

• Friendship is not kissing, cuddling or exploring the secret sensitive parts of the body

• Not influencing or intimidating others to engage in bad behavior

• It is not extra or pre-marital sex

• Not wrong peer pressure

IS HE OR SHE A FRIEND?

Anybody who is not a friend will have all these attributes

• Will reveal your secrets to others

• Spread nasty rumors about you

• Pressure you to do wrong things

LEVEL OF FRIENDSHIP

• Acquaintance

• Casual

• Intimate

RELATIONSHIP

This is the state of being related, the mutual exchange between two people or groups who have dealings with one another. It means the agreement of people by words or action to have dealings with one another, there is an awareness that an attraction exist between them.

GOOD RELATIONSHIP HINDRANCES

• Lack of attention

• Selfishness or greed

• Dishonesty

• Foolishness

• Immaturity

• External listening

• Lustful desires

The Book: Friendship & Courtship

From: Treasured1 Creative Ideas Int. Publishing

By: Salau O John